ala-ala ng mga kadramahan

“men bid farewells in silence”
masakit ang mga pamamaalam..
na tipong malabo ang pagbabalik.
pero ang paghingi ng tawad..
ang isang paraan ng pamamaalam.
nakakagaan ng mga saloobin sa buhay.
I’M SORRY sa inyo..para sa lahat!
kahit hindi literal na tahimik,
ang paalam na ito ay magaan sa loob.
…
“if I die, my dreams wouldn’t”
masarap tantuhin ang kahalagahan mo,
sa mga nakakakilala sa’yo.
ang mga ala-ala mo, maging mga pangarap mo noong nabubuhay ka.
mas masarap tantuhin kung pinapahalagahan nila
ang mga pangarap mo sa buhay nila,
kung paano ito tumatak, nakaambag, nagpalinaw.
….
may mga bagay na hindi mo rin masasakripisyo…
isipin mong sinakripisyo ka di ba?
pero magagawa mo pa bang mamili?
mahal mo ang ginagawa mo..
mahalaga sa’yo ang mga taong nakapalibot dito..
dun mo nararanasan ang lubos na ligaya..
ang kasarapan ng mabuhay at ng hindi..
ang dahilan mong magpatuloy sa araw-araw..
tro”P”ang soli”D” t”O”
….
panahon ng pagninilay-nilay..
takte yan! i caught myself teary-eyed
and then cried all of a sudden,
yet i can’t cry out loud!
…
i hate my self,i don’t like the way i act at this times..
yet it’s me and i’m longing for openness and honesty..
someone who can get along with me and my pride..
many had misjudged, misinterpreted and misunderstood the real me..
i loved her all along but i’m far away, far away to be loved..
indeed i say i’m mature enough to know but so childish as to act..
when it will be taken realistically? i don’t know..
its for me to find out sooner as i bleed more. :’(

Reply sa “Ay sablay !!”

ang nawalang 6110 kong cellphone:

• colored
• may camera at video
• polyphonic
• radio

kumpara sa 3310  cellphone na meron ako ngayon ay walang camera, hindi colored at hindi kaaya-aya ang sounds. pero ang 3310 na ito ay bunga ng pagmamahal, kabaitan, konsiderasyon at maalalahanin na tropa. tinatawag ko ng pansin sila Danilo Escario Jr. at Jayson Lanuza para sa katuparan ng magagamit kong cellphone para sa pangkasalukuyan at kahit hindi permanente ay malaki ang magiging bahagi nito sa aking pang araw-araw na buhay. pero sa ngayon ay wala pa rin akong SIM card na magamit at coming soon pa.

salamat ng malaki sa inyo. tunay kayo<tears>.

My New Damn Year. .?_?

“wala naman akong ipapasa eh..”, yan ang sabi ko sa sarili ko nung pagkagising ko kaninang umaga. meron kasi kaming assignment sa Autocad at Adobe Photoshop, this christmas vacation namin dapat tapusin at ayun sa awa ng Dios wala akong nagawa. may awa nga ang Dios ako lang ang walang ginagawa taliwas sa punto nung kasabihan. inabutan ako ng katamaran, alam kong mortal na kasalanan ang pagiging tamad pero kasi.. uhm.. ehh.. basta makasalanan ako. bleh.

new year’s resolution. hmm.. uso ba yun? patok pa rin nga pero ang tanong e kung epektibo ba? malamang hinde. kahit sabihin natin na ang katangi-tanging permanente sa mundo ay ang pagbabago, hindi lingid sa kaalaman nating lahat na ang pagbabago ay nasa tao pa rin. hindi napipilit. hindi nadidikta.

marami na akong mga ginawang mga listahan noong mga nakaraang bagong taon tunkol sa mga gusto kong baguhin kasama na yung mga formal themes at sulating pangwakas sa elementarya at hayskul na ginagawa namin tuwing pasukan ulit matapos ang bakasyon-engrande. at ayun sa awa pa rin ng Dios, mahirap tuparin, di ko magawa. tingin ko hindi pa ako handa sa mga pagbabago.

ngayon pa nga lang naiisip kong baguhin ang lifestyle ng pamumuhay ko dahil kung tatanungin mo sila Rizal, Einstein at da Vinci sasabihin nilang “wala kang patutunguhan anak!” dahil sa pangkaraniwan ang buhay ko kala mo hayskul pa rin. pumapasok, umaatend ng klase, makikinig at magsusulat (pero paglabas na ng room, magtatanong sa sarili “may natutunan ba’ko?”), tatambay, magdodota, uuwi na. kinabukasan ganun ulit.

iniisip ko ang magtrabaho na habang di pa graduate para may karanasan na ako kahit papaano at para masabi kong busy ako. dahil senseless sa akin kapag sinasabi mong busy habang nakahilata sa kama at nagbabasa lang ng libro. kaso sa tuwing iisipin ko yun, nakupow! inaatake ako ng SLOTH. eww.. ang haba ng pila sa SSS, NBI at ang layo ng barangay at city hall kahit isang sakay lang naman ako papunta sa mga yun. kaya hanggang pag-iisip na lang ang kalalagyan ko.

ngayon tinatamad nanaman akong pumasok at heto ako ngayon sa internet cafe nagsusulat na lang ng blog post. haha! geh

My Atrophy : Unravel the Greatest Pain Inside

I’ve been wondering. Why I’m very emotional this past few days.

I had this eerie feeling of being lonely day by day. Its irrational as they say, but I can’t help it. My motivation to hold on is actually the one who is unleashing me away. My family.

I owe them a lot, whatever aspect I consider to, they are the ones there for me. However, the more I get attached to them, its more frequent that I’m prone to be misunderstood, frequently misjudged, criticized, it’s my mishap as my life gets get ruined slowly.

Wherein our house where we revolve each other, we talk each other once in a while, we see each other everyday and funny may it seemed that I can’t help but to cry for it. I don’t know why i’m a willing and sacrificial victim of my own denial.

That is my greatest ATROPHY, there’s more. And I don’t want to talk about it yet.

Strangling Truth

I know its painful, I don’t want to feel it anymore. I want to strangle myself to death rather. How come its taking over me? I can’t withstand this anymore.

I admit my mistake, I admit my confession as true, I admit I did what it is right now. Yet I want to be blamed no more. The damage has been done. I know, I did the damage. We involved here, many have been affected, the impact is intense and creating an aftershock still for this time.

I present my sorries as generalized. I thought I already knew. I thought I can. Yet the continuous accusation and mishaps render me as already enough. I’m taking every piece of it. I swallow every part of it. I can’t handle no more. I’m also fragile, the sensitivity is too high even my pride conquers it wholeheartedly. Now its broken.

Harshly, the solidity of our content liquidizes as time passes by. The bond preferred as forever is already taking its branch-like paths now. I thought it’s nothing, I thought this is one of those we can surpass, I’m resisting verbally and physically to it. I guessed wrong.

I don’t want to speak no more, as my silence commits its surrender to this endless sorrow. I hate this, however I can’t hold its mentality. I don’t care. I don’t mind.

NAGSASAWA na ako pota!

Identifying Yourself. The DARKER Style.

c/o Jellymuffin.com

EMO. They say I am. No I’m not!

Well, I’m not that emo in the sense i bruise myself with sharp razorblade and stuffs like that. However, I adopt the trend try to dress like one, listen and sing along to the beat of screaming pain and growling loneliness of the EMO songs of NOT SO EMO bands as they say. Haha.

The black and red color combination either striped or checkered fascinates me the most. With the attitude of always not talking around and bows his head all the time, a loner face and cry sometimes in the corner. The one-sided style of hair and thick eyeliners is the most attractive. Tight jeans and shirts, canvass sneakers or skate shoes is emo for me.

Some people I consider ”Emo” says they were not, as well as in my part. Where do Emo stuff came from?

OK. Let’s get intellectual here, it says that Emo was originated 1984 or 1985 I think in Washington D.C. with Ian MacKaye of Embrace and Guy Picciotto of Rites of Spring which were veterans of the hardcore scene that time. With its stylistic origins such as Indie Rock, Hardcore Punk and post-Hardcore genres.

The hardcore music that time is very stereotypical, the two decided to shift style in more personal direction as they experimented. Then folks liked the new sound and became a major influence.

Early 2000, Jimmy Eat World began the mainstream with this style of music continues with emo hardcore. The market call the emo hardcore band, however they insist that they’re not. 2003, Chris Carraba of Dashboard Confessional created the style of making a diary-like stories outpouring of emotions and clicked in the scene.

 Now, the term EMO came from is uncertain. Short for “Emotional”, its obvious. But the band Rites of Spring said that on an interview that the crowd in their shows shouts out loud “Emo” as for their music tends to sound like. So that’s it.

Today,  there are many bands and artists consider this genre to perform because of its solemnity of inside feelings as it is sung. Emo is associated this days as emotional, sensitive, shy, introverted, angsty, depressed. Also with self-injury and SUICIDE, aww! I found it interesting and fun as well. But no RAZORBLADES. Hahaha…

I’m out of here!